20160715

Been drowning from an influx of new projects and assignments! And I'm not complaining either. Though the pressure is real and I'll often find myself lying on the floor from all the messages, it's pretty fun as I get to do it anywhere and in my time.

I'm currently in Tagaytay eating a LOT of baduya amongst other things, and the weight gain is apparent. I can't really stress myself enough with weight gain as it's still on my mind 24/7, and it is only now that I'm finding ways on how to change my way of thinking. So to cheer myself up, I went through some old photos of me last 2015 to make progress photos!

January 2015 vs July 2016 - A year and a half apart

I guess you can say that this is a reverse type of progress that's actually moving forward if that makes sense? Instead of following the popular weight loss transformation photos, I actually gained a bit of weight and it's evident on my face. My cheeks are a bit chubbier, and my waist is fuller (Though not seen). That, and I've actually got a chest and butt!

Recovery wasn't a one-way street. It wasn't two-way, either. It was a whole smorgasbord of roads and paths, trails and inclines that only went higher and higher, to the point that I wasn't able to see the destination at some times. There will be times I give up, times I don't even bother to do anything at all. Times that I don't feel anything but the darkness creeping up on me and wanting to take me away. Luckily, through the help of my family, I was able to fight it off, even if it was just a tiny thing such as getting out of bed to see the sun.


I have experienced so many ugly things that prevented me from doing the things I love. I have been back and forth recovery and relapse, only to postpone it to the next day. But I decided to stop and just take it day by day instead of look at the future and dread what would happen then. My first step was accepting the fact that I needed help. The second would be accepting it from people who offered it. I was hesitant (Still am at times), but I'm trying to not push people away anymore and open up, talking more and becoming the yappy, annoying person I used to be before all this.

I'd rather not go through all the uglies, but I came on here to brag about the great things I've experienced since my 10lb weight gain!

Physically, I feel a LOT better. I swear I can't even begin to explain how surprised I was when I compared these two together. My face has much more color compared to the sunken one I had before. My smile is brighter, my cheeks are actually a bit red, and I'm not yellow!!! I used to be asked if I was sick because of how pasty I look despite the fact I'm not even fair skinned lol

My hands are also looking much better. The back of my hands are still a tad bony, but far less skeletal looking, along with my wrists. 

Granted, my stomach still looks SO pregnant, especially if I eat too much. I'm bloated, I have a high body fat, I'll live. I'd rather be able to eat without regret rather than feel the flatness of my stomach in the morning to measure my happiness for the day.

My. Hair. Is. Full. Er. I'm losing less hair and finally growing the hair I lost from restriction. I still have lanugo, which is a bit tmi (sorry), but giving it a few more months to see if it will disappear.

My blood pressure is a bit higher (From 50/70 to 70/90!), I'm experiencing less fainting spells, I can walk, I can lift better, I feel and look better, basically.

Mentally? Wooh, it's a battle I'm still fighting. I'm still trying to get over the fact I need to gain weight rather than lost. I'm replacing the weight loss mindset with a maintenance/gaining one. I still have my eating habits, but I learned to replace eating less with more (and more and more).

BUT, I feel so SO SOO SOSOOSO SOOS OSO much better. I'm happier. I can laugh until I cry. I can make jokes and be the annoying and happy person I was before. I wake up and feel like I'm ready to go out. Taking a bath used to be a chore, but I can do that now and get out of the house without feeling like I'm forced to. I feel happier, I am happier. And that's a start.

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