If I were to apologize, then expect an influx of sorries and excuses. But I don't really want to bombard this post with useless and empty words, so let's just get right on it.
I am currently hyped up from a lot of caffeine and diet soda, so don't mind any typos that were caused by my shaky and hyper hands.
Whoops, it's been a whole month! What's happened to Issa since April ended? (Besides the fact that I started speaking in third person, yikes)
I last posted about numbers and transferring, and now it's time to let you guys know how I've been this May!
I've been freelance writing, along with buying and selling here and there, not really taking it seriously (YET!), but honing my skills and digging the fact that I'm earning while doing what I love. The deadlines are a bit tight and I do get an influx of work in one go some days at a time, which is why if you happen to see me, I'm most likely doing a lot of hand gestures in front of my laptop as I try to word ideas into sentences.
Feeling like I'm writing when I'm internally dying inside with a dozen assigned articles calling out to me but also thinking of buying Krispy Kreme and ice cream while binge watching Kitchen Nightmares or any Pinoy romcom
I have also been working on transferring colleges! If you don't know yet, I have just taken my entrance exam last May 21, and I really do hope I pass and get the chance to study BroadComm. I spoke with the head professor of the college department I'll be studying in, and he's a great man! I got to talk to some of the staff and I really hope to see them again soon! Results come out on June 6, so *fingers crossed*
I've been in and out, but mostly in. I think writing got the best of me and while I do go to the occasional trip or go out with friends, I'm constantly in the middle of a writing high. What makes it worse is the fact that it comes at around midnight because of time difference with contractors. So while my sleeping schedule is warped, so is my relationship with diet soda and my laptop.
Speaking of diet soda, it brings me to the topic I've been wanting to open up with: Health.
I can gladly say that while I do still guesstimate the amount of what I eat, MFP is now deleted from my phone! I sometimes visit the Community section for advice and support about weight gain, as well as the recovery section in some forums, but I have now already come to terms with the fact that I do need to eat more and gain weight in order to get back the life I both want and need.
Are the no0bi gainz there yet~~*~*~***~* ???!
I started strength training and lifting, and let's just say I've been bulking (?) to gain both fat and muscle. It's actually pretty fun lifting heavy, way better than just running mindlessly on a treadmill (Mind you, I did long distance running for hours at a time, which doesn't get tiring, but actually boring). I love the intensity of each workout, and it surprisingly increases both my energy and appetite. Plus, that familiar post-workout burn in the morning feels sooo good.
Got Inna to join me!
I've been told that I look a tad healthier and with more color, which puts me in a state of ambivalence at times. But I learned to cope with it, knowing that they're better than hearing how dead I look. I don't only (feel like I) look better, but I feel better, too! I don't have as much head rushes or numb hands and feet (Though I still have to wear gloves, yeeks), I'm not as "hangry" or moody as I used to be, I feel happy, and I just feel a lot of energy, more energy than I have ever felt since last year!
Don't worry, I don't eat this EVERY day. I just wish I do!
I also learned to overcome certain fear food and to cope with overindulging. I still have my old eating habits that are difficult to stop, but I guess taking on new, unfamiliar food is a start, specifically unmeasured food and stuff I don't know the calories of. I still love my sugar and limited my Subway intake, focusing more on fat and protein. I started having rice now, and basically, just started eating way more than I ever used to.
Mother's day with mother dear
As for weight loss or gain, I'm not sure. I know I gained a bit of weight, but I don't know how much exactly and would rather not check until I feel like I won't be triggered by the numbers. For now, I just eat mindfully, choosing what I want over how many calories it is (well, most of the time).
Have become a tad dependent on these - no matter how cold it gets, it never bothered me anyway l o l
But I won't say that I'm completely healed or recovered. It's a long process and a battle I'm willing to fight, and I'm positive that while I won't be able to completely eradicate these thoughts, I'll be able to sort of stave them away through thinking clearly and with more logic.
When people ask how I've been doing, I just confidently say, "I've been doing great, happier than I've ever been!". But really, all I can think about is how jacked up I am from caffeine, lack of sleep, and a lot of errands to do. From transferring colleges, all the way down to writing, it's the pressure I love, and it's what gets me going! I'm still finding who I am, or better yet, creating myself. After all, I'm only 19 and don't really expect to be settling down anytime soon. I'm trying to live my life according to how I want it and how it should be. My only problem right now would be slow internet connection and the fact that I'm too lazy to go down to the mall and eat.
Making myself hungry...
As I've mentioned, I've been eating a lot of food. A LOT. Food trips, homemade stuff, ice cream (this will never no be on my list), the works. So expect a lot of posts about food and the like! I'll try to keep this up, but since I'm usually given articles and am most likely in the gym or eating, I tend to forget about actually writing for myself. But that won't stop me. Blogging is something I've always wanted to do, so I'll keep going. Til the next post! ;-)